I Am Done With Boy Scout Relationships.

I will always remember the good times we shared. I never thought I thought I'd see the day where we were just friends. And when we did I didn't think it would feel like this. I didn't start thinking about it until now. All I know is I miss you and I am sorry that I hurt you. I have way to much on the mind. Too much to say! To much to be processed! It's just way too much!You read this and probably think: "Wow, deep!" I don't know, it''s just how I feel. I tried swimming to get it all this stuff off my mind. Well, that didn't work. Because it's like every time I turned around something reminded me of Aaron. I didn't really think about it in Texas with the exception of two times when my best friend Breanna and my adopted aunt Candice brought it up. And even then, I didn't really think about it, I didn't want it to ruin my trip. Then when I got back, and put I am Single on my facebook, my status was this:Please don't ask me what happened between me and Aaron. It just didn't work out. We needed to go our sperate ways. I don't want to talk about. I don't want to think about it. I just want whats best for the both of us.Yeah, like that helped any. As soon as I hit the submit button to put that as my status, I started thinking about it. I don't want to think about it. We as a couple were just dirfting apart and Boy Scouts kept getting in our way. I was tired of the Boy Scouts getting in the way. I just want a relationship that wasn't around Boy Scouts. I want a relationship where it's just me and him. Not me, him, and the Boy Scout troop. I don't want to have to worry about him leaving this weekend for a campout when I am sitting at home wondering, "Okay, it's Saturday afternoon, what am I going to do? The boyfriend is at a campout, so that's out of the question." I want to be wondering, "Okay, it's Saturday, what CAN I DO with the boyfriend?"I am done with Boy Scouting relationships. Especially when they're in high leadership like SPL (Senior Patrol Leader), 1st ASPL (1st Senior Patrol Leader), and 2nd ASPL (2nd Senior Patrol Leader). When I was in Texas, my aunt brought me back to childhood. I made a teddy bear at the Build-a-Bear workshop. I named him Austin because I made him in Austin, Texas. We were standing in line and I looked over to the side at an outfit to the side and said, "Oh look! It's like a Cub Scout uniform for the bear." And my aunt was like, "Do you want to get ..... Oh yeah that reminds you to much of the ex sorry." I tried to play it cool and said, "Naw, theres nothing to be sorry about. I just was pointing out how cute it was."It's like everytime I turn around, I am reminded of 6.5 months of my life. Aaron Rush and Halie Oshiro 11-19-08 to 6-2-09. I need to just let go. But my heart doesn't want too. I still love him. I still have deep feelings for him.