They Didn't Have To Do It.

I know someone who enlisted in the United States Army and it got me thinking about who he really is. Half boy and half man. Yes he's 19 years old, so he's legally considered an adult. The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities. He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and a 155mm howitzer. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because well he just graduated from boot camp. This wasn't his first choice, but it is what he's doing now. Yes he's not on the frontlines of Iraq, but his job is still important to our country. Every time I am around him now, I just want to get on my hands and knees and thank him. He didn't have to serve our country, but he is anyways. As we enter the year 2010, why don't we start thanking people that serve our country? The people who leave their loved ones, their friends and family, to be stationed in some place away from home. They don't have to do it, but they do anyway. The least we can do it thank them.

This Holiday Season.

Two days until Christmas and what's on my mind? School, school, and more school. Really? Can't I just get a break from all of this school maddness? I want to enjoy this holiday, not dread it. I mean we celebrate this holiday to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Why don't I want to celebrate it this year? Way too much on my mind. Graduation is just a little under five months away and all I can think about this holiday season, is school and stress. Forget about the boy I have been crushing on since I was 14 years old. Forget about the boy that I just started crushing on. This stress is way too much, it will be gone on May 21, 2010 as I am being handed my high school diploma.

What Christmas means to me.

Christmas means more than running downstairs that morning to opening up your presents or just another family get together. What Christmas means to me is the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. More than just a Christmas play or production. That just comes with the package. It's more than just a break from school, that also just comes with the package. Without Christ there would be no Christmas. Look at the word Christmas, CHRISTmas. Christ is in the word, you may want to take it out, but Christ is the reason for the season. What Christmas means to me is that Christ was born, so he could die for my sins. Yeah, I guess that sound's a little harsh. But it's so true. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16, KJV. The only reason Christ came is because of man's sin. So everything Christmas means to me is based around Christ. Forget about 'Happy Holidays!' Try 'Merry Christmas!'

On my mind.

Pain is something we all go through. When we are broken hearted and don't know what to do, look around. The only way to have reality is if you lose it so bad that it hurts. Sometimes words just can't define what reality is in the moment Sometimes you have to lose something so amazing to gain something so precious. Sometimes the greatest things are right in front of us, but yet we are blinded and can't see them. Happiness is one of those great things, but happiness is your choice.

Looking on the Positive Side of Things.

Stress..yup still there. But am I going to let it affect my last high school Christmas?..nope! This stress thing, yeah it's there, but I am choosing to look on the positive side of things. I am choosing to be happy from this day forward. Yup, I don't want what others think, say, do, or don't do affect my life. It's not fair to the other person and it's not fair to me. It's my choice and I am choosing to be happy. Especially in the hardest year of my high school career. College next year, will be just as stressful. The stress right now is nothing compared to what it will be next year. Even then I will not let it affect me. I am choosing to be happy because happiness is the way to live. Forget about being upset about the little things. My life isn't that bad. I am blessed and thankful.

This is more than what they call 'Holiday Stress'

They say this time of the year is stressful and they call it Holiday Stress, but as a high school senior, it's more than holiday stress for me. Yeah it was my choice to combined my last two years, my toughest two years into one, but I am pulling this 8am to 3am schedule. Little sleep, it worries a friend of mine. But then I thought about it, this is how college is going to be. Though high school will end in a little over five months and life isn't all like, High School Musical, part of me just wishes that my life would just slow down. If I blink now, I'll be at my high school graduation, if I blink again, I'll be at my college graduation. It's like I blinked when I was in kindergarten and I open my eyes to my senior year of high school. Am I done blinking? I have grown so much in the past 12-13 years of my life. I can do things now that I never thought I could do. Yes it is stressful during this time of the year, but if you think about it, it's always kind of stressful from like freshman year on.

My Life in 2009.

December is now upon us, and once again we enter into the season of pine trees in our living rooms, hot chocolate in our mugs, and increased pedestrian traffic in our shopping malls. 2009 is coming to a close. 2009 has been an interesting year, another learning year. I've learned that letting go of that special person is harder than processing it. I've learned that sometimes you just can't trust the one that you think you really can, but you can only trust the ones you absolutely know you can trust. I've learned that you need to hold onto your family and true friends in the hard times and rejoice with them in the good. I've learned that I shouldn't bottle my feelings inside. I have also made some big decisions this year. The biggest one I made was to graduate in the Spring. I have made new friends and I've learned a new instrument. The guitar. 2009 has been a tough yet great year.

I Am Thankful.

I have a new way of looking at life. It's the Saturday before Thanksgiving, I went to feed the homeless in the downtown area of my city. I knew there were homeless people in our area, but I didn't know how many. I served them punched while they waited to eat and as I went down the line, it just kept going and going. And as I went down this long line, time and time again, my heart broke and I realized that when we are in our houses on a cold winter night, they are out on the street, probably freezing cold. When we sit in our houses for the holidays, they're out on the street wishing they had that oppertunity. When we crawl in our beds at night, they try to find somewhere warm to sleep and make it through the night. We complain over the little things and they are out on the street. There are couples with children, FAMILES! Out on the street together. Today was a new perspective on life. I have a safe roof over my head, clean colthes on my back, and amazingly good food on the table. Yes life doesn't always work out to my benifet, but it's better than what it could be. I am extermely thankful.

The amazingness of my life.

Choices, too many to make. Can't decide which one to take. I remember the simple life, the one in that kindergarden school yard. Where all I wanted to do was just play. I didn't care what others thought about me, I just wanted them to play with me. It's hard to believe that, that was twelve years ago. Somewhere along the line, I blinked. Yesterday I was five, today I am seventeen. Yesterday I was playing, today I am making some major life descsions. Yesterday I was making friends that I thought would last forever, today I am making friends that I can only hope will help me through the rest of high school and maybe the first few years of college. This past weekend, whil I was watching the United States Air Force Thunderbirds soar through the sky of the old Mather AFB, I saw some kids that I had the worst memories with, and I smiled as if I didn't know who they were. Is that bad? That was my choice. My heart still isn't healed from those times where I got angry and they left. Also this past weekend, the Souled Out Youth Group sent off a Souled Out member to do what he has enlisted to do in the United States Army. As a youth group, we couldn't of sent him off any better than how we did. Watching him walk away for the last time until probably December, put the biggest chills down my spine. It made me think about my future, my life. It made me think about how amazing that day was, how amazing my church family is, and how amazing my life is.

I Am Done With Boy Scout Relationships.

I will always remember the good times we shared. I never thought I thought I'd see the day where we were just friends. And when we did I didn't think it would feel like this. I didn't start thinking about it until now. All I know is I miss you and I am sorry that I hurt you. I have way to much on the mind. Too much to say! To much to be processed! It's just way too much!You read this and probably think: "Wow, deep!" I don't know, it''s just how I feel. I tried swimming to get it all this stuff off my mind. Well, that didn't work. Because it's like every time I turned around something reminded me of Aaron. I didn't really think about it in Texas with the exception of two times when my best friend Breanna and my adopted aunt Candice brought it up. And even then, I didn't really think about it, I didn't want it to ruin my trip. Then when I got back, and put I am Single on my facebook, my status was this:Please don't ask me what happened between me and Aaron. It just didn't work out. We needed to go our sperate ways. I don't want to talk about. I don't want to think about it. I just want whats best for the both of us.Yeah, like that helped any. As soon as I hit the submit button to put that as my status, I started thinking about it. I don't want to think about it. We as a couple were just dirfting apart and Boy Scouts kept getting in our way. I was tired of the Boy Scouts getting in the way. I just want a relationship that wasn't around Boy Scouts. I want a relationship where it's just me and him. Not me, him, and the Boy Scout troop. I don't want to have to worry about him leaving this weekend for a campout when I am sitting at home wondering, "Okay, it's Saturday afternoon, what am I going to do? The boyfriend is at a campout, so that's out of the question." I want to be wondering, "Okay, it's Saturday, what CAN I DO with the boyfriend?"I am done with Boy Scouting relationships. Especially when they're in high leadership like SPL (Senior Patrol Leader), 1st ASPL (1st Senior Patrol Leader), and 2nd ASPL (2nd Senior Patrol Leader). When I was in Texas, my aunt brought me back to childhood. I made a teddy bear at the Build-a-Bear workshop. I named him Austin because I made him in Austin, Texas. We were standing in line and I looked over to the side at an outfit to the side and said, "Oh look! It's like a Cub Scout uniform for the bear." And my aunt was like, "Do you want to get ..... Oh yeah that reminds you to much of the ex sorry." I tried to play it cool and said, "Naw, theres nothing to be sorry about. I just was pointing out how cute it was."It's like everytime I turn around, I am reminded of 6.5 months of my life. Aaron Rush and Halie Oshiro 11-19-08 to 6-2-09. I need to just let go. But my heart doesn't want too. I still love him. I still have deep feelings for him.