Not All Teenagers are Bad!

So I am sitting in my leadership class yesterday and we were talking about education and schools and such. They were talking about how an elementary school could possibly be closing and how they want to turn it into a Teen Center, but some adults are saying no because they don't want teenagers to be there and stuff because teenager are bad and stuff. Ok soo I just have a few things to say about that. So sit back and relax, I don't know how long this will be:
Not all teenagers are bad! Yes there are some, but that's only because they're most likely hurting in some way. Why are you judging them anyway? If you know them or not, you shouldn't judge them. You say, "Well teenagers do vandalism." NOT ALL TEENAGERS DO!! I am way against that because I spent two hours of my life one day fixing a car window. You say, "Well teenagers are violent." NOT ALL TEENAGERS ARE!! Before you start saying, "Well teenagers..." Stop yourself! Not all teenagers are like this. Yes there are those teenagers that want to be like that. But just because some are, DOESN'T MEAN WE ALL ARE!!! We are not all like that, I am tired of hearing, "Oh teenagers are bad." Are you aware you once were a teenager? Yes yes, I know teenagers are different nowadays, but really? We are all not bad apples on a tree. Some of us actually do care about things, people, etc. I mean look at me for example, I am in a leadership class full of adults and actually care about my community, my city, and I am a teenager, would you consider me bad? Yeah I've made poor choices in the past, but I am the person I am today because of those choices. I am not a bad kid and there are kids just like me out there and you know what, all those "bad apples" are just like me. But they're living in their bad choice. Give them time, counsel them, and let them know you care and they'll turn into a "good apple."

I miss my childhood.

Ok so as of last night, I am sooo scared of my future. Then when I found out that I probably should have a back up plan if college is just not my thing and that back up is one of the armed forces. Why is this process so scary? Why did I think this process was so easy? Why isn't this process easy? Graduation is around the corner, I was once so excited, now I am so scared. If senior year gave this to me, why didn't freshman year give it to me? What's the difference? Other than the fact freshman year, I was tomboyish and way immature. Now I actually dress up a little and am more mature than I was freshman year. Why did I blink? Yesterday I was a freshman, today I am a senior. These life descisons are soo scary. Why is my future so important now? Why am I asking all these questions? I am soo confused with everything, that I just want to curl up into a ball under a blanket and never get up again. I miss my childhood.

Because I Loved You.

Looking at a picture of you in my head, wondering if I'll ever see you again. I know you broke my heart, but I want someone to love me the way you did. How can I break up the madness? Nothing makes sense, not anymore. Nothing is right, not when you're gone. I want someone to need me, like you did. I am shaking it off, shaking off all of my pain. If you just walked away, what could i really say? Would it matter anyway? Would it change how you feel? I am the mess you chose the closet you cannot close the devil in you I suppose because the wounds never heal. Laughter is my addiction. When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part. When I cuddled next to you, I felt so safe. Now I feel safe cuddled up next to a friend? Why did you lie to me? If you really didn't love me, why did you say it? Then after we went our separate ways, why was I so vulnerable? Why did I let two more males into my life only to shatter it? I didn't want to get attached to them because I was afraid they'd be another you. When I did get attached to the first one, all I could think about was you. Then when he broke my heart the day before what could have been our one year dating anniversary, I run to that only friend that I feel safe cuddled up next to and all I can think of is you. Why? Because I loved you. Then when the second male broke my at the time prefectly mended heart, I ran back to that friend. Why did I run back to her? Because I know she won't hurt me on purpose. I know she won't ditch me for something less important. I know she'll take the time to encourage me. She won't lie to me. You weren't honest with me, why didn't you just tell me how you feel? I could go on, but I don't have anything else to say to you. You know what I look for in a man? A man that respects me. A guy that loves me for me. I want a guy that will be there for me in the hardest of times and a guy that will be there to rejoice with me in the good. A guy that won't bring me down lower than I already am. A guy that was so opposite from you. I ain't no princess, but I'd like to be treated like one. You treated me like royalty in the beginning and somewhere in the middle leading to the end, you treated me like crap. What ever happened to that gentleman? That Boy Scout in you is gone. I am tired of holding onto you, so I am letting you go. I will be strong. But you want to know that truth? I am scared. Is every guy like you? Hurtful? And to think I almost lost something I would never get back, to you! Thanks so much for everything. Why am I rambling on? It's all because I loved you.

Can I Go Back To Never Never Land?

First Ethics Assignment turned in. Senior Pictures taken. The thoughts of my future sure thought about. Have you ever just felt like flying away with Peter Pan and going to Never Never Land? I have thought of my future and it's a scary thing. Today it hit me, in exactly 6 months and 18 days, I will no longer be a minor. Really wanting to go back to Never Never Land. I was there until I turned 17. The second I turned 17, as I was being sung Happy Birthday at midnight by all of my friends at City on the Hill, I felt different. I felt less childish and something in my heart didn't feel the same. Now as I think about it, this time next year, I'll be in college. Okay can my brain turn like off now? Where's the on/off switch? Let me turn my brain off, so I can stop thinking. Ahh. Scary thoughts - go away!!

The Future.

So I wake up this morning and my mom mentions something about me getting my senior pictures taken on Thursday. Now I knew that the subject of senior pictures were going to arise soon because well I graduate in May and it's January. But it now has me thinking about my future. What am I going to do? My high school days are coming to an end...hmm. I am a little scared. College next year and a job. And still need to find time for a personal life. Well I would like to find time for it, all I know is that I am a little scared.

Forever Changed and Proud!

So I started my year out right, I went downtown and fed the homeless again today. And today there was a different approach than when I went in November. First off, I was probably one of the only teenagers there and second off I actually touched people lives. My mind was opened today. I passed out plates and silverware today and then the line was going somewhat slow and this guy starts yelling in my face and I looked at him, smiled, and handed him his plate and silverware while saying, "Happy New Year sir, here's everything you need." And continued on, my mind was racing from the reality check I had last night. Then while I was doing this everything hit me. We complain about the little things and those are the things these people are grateful for. We sit inside our warms houses at night and these people are out in the cold. The meal I am helping serve them maybe their last meal or maybe not. They don't know where their next meal is coming from yet we do. I was thanked probably around 100 times today and all I was thinking about was this reality check I got last night. I got pointed out in the crowd of volunteers today because this minister was surprised how I handled everything. Taking one step at a time and still smiling. Whether it's a fake smile or real, they really can't tell because they don't know me. All they really need to see is just a friendly smile.

Happy New Year?

Okay so I had the weridest New Years Eve ever. But I have to say, it was pretty life changing. From about 7pm to about 11:45pm, I was in the "arguement" with this amazing young lady that I barely even know. I thought my best friend was good at giving me a reality check, this girl gave me a reality check that I will never forget, to sum what she basically told me to do in two words, she told me to, grow up. Then as I am standing with a small bottle of sparkiling cider in my hand at midnight with my brother, sister, and sister's mom, I really started to take to thought about what this girl said. So my New Years Resolutions this year:

1.) To GROW UP!
2.) To graduate from high school.
3.) To go to college and start a new life.

Three simple and only ones I can think of right now. But growing up this year is definetly one of the big ones.