Because I Loved You.

Looking at a picture of you in my head, wondering if I'll ever see you again. I know you broke my heart, but I want someone to love me the way you did. How can I break up the madness? Nothing makes sense, not anymore. Nothing is right, not when you're gone. I want someone to need me, like you did. I am shaking it off, shaking off all of my pain. If you just walked away, what could i really say? Would it matter anyway? Would it change how you feel? I am the mess you chose the closet you cannot close the devil in you I suppose because the wounds never heal. Laughter is my addiction. When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part. When I cuddled next to you, I felt so safe. Now I feel safe cuddled up next to a friend? Why did you lie to me? If you really didn't love me, why did you say it? Then after we went our separate ways, why was I so vulnerable? Why did I let two more males into my life only to shatter it? I didn't want to get attached to them because I was afraid they'd be another you. When I did get attached to the first one, all I could think about was you. Then when he broke my heart the day before what could have been our one year dating anniversary, I run to that only friend that I feel safe cuddled up next to and all I can think of is you. Why? Because I loved you. Then when the second male broke my at the time prefectly mended heart, I ran back to that friend. Why did I run back to her? Because I know she won't hurt me on purpose. I know she won't ditch me for something less important. I know she'll take the time to encourage me. She won't lie to me. You weren't honest with me, why didn't you just tell me how you feel? I could go on, but I don't have anything else to say to you. You know what I look for in a man? A man that respects me. A guy that loves me for me. I want a guy that will be there for me in the hardest of times and a guy that will be there to rejoice with me in the good. A guy that won't bring me down lower than I already am. A guy that was so opposite from you. I ain't no princess, but I'd like to be treated like one. You treated me like royalty in the beginning and somewhere in the middle leading to the end, you treated me like crap. What ever happened to that gentleman? That Boy Scout in you is gone. I am tired of holding onto you, so I am letting you go. I will be strong. But you want to know that truth? I am scared. Is every guy like you? Hurtful? And to think I almost lost something I would never get back, to you! Thanks so much for everything. Why am I rambling on? It's all because I loved you.