I Am Thankful.

I have a new way of looking at life. It's the Saturday before Thanksgiving, I went to feed the homeless in the downtown area of my city. I knew there were homeless people in our area, but I didn't know how many. I served them punched while they waited to eat and as I went down the line, it just kept going and going. And as I went down this long line, time and time again, my heart broke and I realized that when we are in our houses on a cold winter night, they are out on the street, probably freezing cold. When we sit in our houses for the holidays, they're out on the street wishing they had that oppertunity. When we crawl in our beds at night, they try to find somewhere warm to sleep and make it through the night. We complain over the little things and they are out on the street. There are couples with children, FAMILES! Out on the street together. Today was a new perspective on life. I have a safe roof over my head, clean colthes on my back, and amazingly good food on the table. Yes life doesn't always work out to my benifet, but it's better than what it could be. I am extermely thankful.

The amazingness of my life.

Choices, too many to make. Can't decide which one to take. I remember the simple life, the one in that kindergarden school yard. Where all I wanted to do was just play. I didn't care what others thought about me, I just wanted them to play with me. It's hard to believe that, that was twelve years ago. Somewhere along the line, I blinked. Yesterday I was five, today I am seventeen. Yesterday I was playing, today I am making some major life descsions. Yesterday I was making friends that I thought would last forever, today I am making friends that I can only hope will help me through the rest of high school and maybe the first few years of college. This past weekend, whil I was watching the United States Air Force Thunderbirds soar through the sky of the old Mather AFB, I saw some kids that I had the worst memories with, and I smiled as if I didn't know who they were. Is that bad? That was my choice. My heart still isn't healed from those times where I got angry and they left. Also this past weekend, the Souled Out Youth Group sent off a Souled Out member to do what he has enlisted to do in the United States Army. As a youth group, we couldn't of sent him off any better than how we did. Watching him walk away for the last time until probably December, put the biggest chills down my spine. It made me think about my future, my life. It made me think about how amazing that day was, how amazing my church family is, and how amazing my life is.

I Am Done With Boy Scout Relationships.

I will always remember the good times we shared. I never thought I thought I'd see the day where we were just friends. And when we did I didn't think it would feel like this. I didn't start thinking about it until now. All I know is I miss you and I am sorry that I hurt you. I have way to much on the mind. Too much to say! To much to be processed! It's just way too much!You read this and probably think: "Wow, deep!" I don't know, it''s just how I feel. I tried swimming to get it all this stuff off my mind. Well, that didn't work. Because it's like every time I turned around something reminded me of Aaron. I didn't really think about it in Texas with the exception of two times when my best friend Breanna and my adopted aunt Candice brought it up. And even then, I didn't really think about it, I didn't want it to ruin my trip. Then when I got back, and put I am Single on my facebook, my status was this:Please don't ask me what happened between me and Aaron. It just didn't work out. We needed to go our sperate ways. I don't want to talk about. I don't want to think about it. I just want whats best for the both of us.Yeah, like that helped any. As soon as I hit the submit button to put that as my status, I started thinking about it. I don't want to think about it. We as a couple were just dirfting apart and Boy Scouts kept getting in our way. I was tired of the Boy Scouts getting in the way. I just want a relationship that wasn't around Boy Scouts. I want a relationship where it's just me and him. Not me, him, and the Boy Scout troop. I don't want to have to worry about him leaving this weekend for a campout when I am sitting at home wondering, "Okay, it's Saturday afternoon, what am I going to do? The boyfriend is at a campout, so that's out of the question." I want to be wondering, "Okay, it's Saturday, what CAN I DO with the boyfriend?"I am done with Boy Scouting relationships. Especially when they're in high leadership like SPL (Senior Patrol Leader), 1st ASPL (1st Senior Patrol Leader), and 2nd ASPL (2nd Senior Patrol Leader). When I was in Texas, my aunt brought me back to childhood. I made a teddy bear at the Build-a-Bear workshop. I named him Austin because I made him in Austin, Texas. We were standing in line and I looked over to the side at an outfit to the side and said, "Oh look! It's like a Cub Scout uniform for the bear." And my aunt was like, "Do you want to get ..... Oh yeah that reminds you to much of the ex sorry." I tried to play it cool and said, "Naw, theres nothing to be sorry about. I just was pointing out how cute it was."It's like everytime I turn around, I am reminded of 6.5 months of my life. Aaron Rush and Halie Oshiro 11-19-08 to 6-2-09. I need to just let go. But my heart doesn't want too. I still love him. I still have deep feelings for him.