My Abba Father, Daddy God, My Savior, My Everything.

There's way too much going on inside my head. My mindset was somewhat broken last night and as I type this entry out it's still kind of breaking. If you've read my blog before you notice that there's quite a few layout changes, well expect more to come because there's a change in side of me that I can't hide. The things that of come to me in the last let's say 14 hours:
You don't realize how amazing God is until He comes to you with open arms and says, I am your Daddy now. Let me explain. I was sitting in church last night and it was pretty much an altar service. Then my pastor preaches a little bit and then he starts praying for people. Well I knew I had to go up and get prayed for, but my stubbornness took hold of me and that was the absolute last thing I wanted to do, go up and get prayed for. So I finally gave in and went up to get prayed for and well I am glad I did. As I am having hands laid on me I heard one of my pastors lay their hands on me and I started seeing a waterfall and a river. Then I saw me with what looked like my high school diploma in my hand and then I gently put it down and started to walk into this river or lake or whatever it was and then I wasn't getting wet in this pond of water. Then I saw a man who looked like what could of been Jesus, so I start running to him, and normally it's hard to run in water, this was easy to run in, and as I got closer to this man I literally jumped into His arms. And He started to hold and carry me and then next thing I knew it was flashed to me as a frustrated college student in a college classroom and then I felt a hand on my back, well I thought it was an usher or one of my pastors so I quickly looked back, but it wasn't, it was God trying to tell me, that He is there for me even when I am frustrated and no one else wants to be there for me. Then I fell down to the ground and I felt like the Lord was telling me, "I've been here waiting so patiently. I was waiting for you to come to Me, I wasn't going to come to you. I was there when you were in a dark room at night crying. I was there. I was there when you felt like you were worthless. I was there. I was there when you felt like you couldn't do anything right and you couldn't make a name for yourself. I was there. I was waiting for you to just come to Me and jump into My arms and for you to let Me love on you. I was there. I am your Daddy. I have waited so patiently for so long. I wanted you to let me in."

What God told me isn't just for me, I wanted to share it here because maybe this speaks to you. Maybe I am not the only one out there struggling. Maybe this could help you. God Bless You.

Musician and Songwriter I am.

It was only yesterday. Check it out:

www.myspace.com/halieoshiro

Just Come To Me.

Where are you now? When I need you the most. Where are you now? I need someone to lead me, to guide me. Where are you now? I need to be wrapped up in someone's arms. Where are you now? I need someone to love me. Where are you now? I can't see you around. You were supposed to be here for me, but where are you now? You left and not a word from you. You stole my heart, where are you now? Who do I run to now? Where are you now? Give me something. Where are you now?
Then I hear something in me saying, I am here when you need someone to talk to and when you need someone the most. I am hear to lead and guide you. I am here to wrap my loving arms around you. I am here to love on you. I am standing right here in front of you. Run to me, my arms are open because I am here for you. I will steal your heart and give you peace. I will give you hope. I will give you strength. I am here, I will give you all you need. Just give me your heart. Just give me your mind. Just give me your soul. I am here. I am your Savior. Your Prince of Peace. Your Lord of Lords. Your King of Kings. I am Your EVERYTHING!! I am Your Heavanly Father. Just come to Me. I am here for you more than you know.

Halie's Thoughts on the Change After Graduation and What She's Learned Recently.

This is a time in my life that I really don't want to forget. I am learning so much in so little time. Not just educationally, (if that's even a word) but I am learning stuff in life that really I am going to need in the real world. I am just about 5 months shy of becoming that one thing that scares me the absoulte most, I am 5 months shy of becoming an adult. And just in the past let's say five days, I've learned a whole lot. I have learned that sometimes you do need to cry and sometimes when you have this amazing feeling back in you that has been taken away from you for so long, sometimes you forget about the important things in life. The true happiness that's within you doesn't come by someone elses' actions of what they did or didn't do to you. Sometimes you need to say 'I love you.' to the ones your love because you never know when they can depart from this earth. Sometimes you can't just bottle your feelings inside you have to show them. Sometimes life will just pass you by and there's nothing you can do about it. Sometimes you just need to be sad for some time to realize how happiness really is a good thing. Then there was this day where everything about humbling myself more came. The words 'To humble yourself more doesn't necessarily mean to think less of yourself, but to think of yourself less.' roared through my mind. Then when I started thinking about graduation, after graduation, and college. I thought about how my life will change when I step onto the college campus for the first time. "Everything's coming so fast." I told a friend of mine. "Yeah, but that's what senior year's all about, right?" That was her response to me, I know I chose this road. But sometimes I feel like this road chose me. The stress is totally worth it, the lack of sleep, the loads of caffinee, totally worth it too. But when I just want to just relax, I don't know how. I just need to figure things out for myself. I am done with people telling my in their own opinion, how I should rule my life. I am so beyond done. I respect their opinion and I am honored that they want to help me out. But shoving it into my face and telling me more than once is what's pushing me over. It's uh my life right? Then why can't I plan it out? Everything is going way too fast. I just want to know where I'll be 10 years from now, that would be amazing. That would help me plan it all out. I know where I WANT to be in 10 years, but where do I NEED to be 10 years from now. Where I WANT to be and where I NEED to be may be in TWO COMPLETELY different places. Can things just make sense for once? I don't want to complain, I am told I am not like any other kid my age. Yes I a kid who reads the Wall Street Journal, Sacramento Bee, and any other business article while drinking a cup of coffee or tea. Yes I am werid, leave me alone about it. I rather stick out for being me then stick in for being someone else.

Blessed: Even when I don't feel like it.

If you are reading this, you are blessed. If you have a roof over your head, you are blessed. If you have clean clothes on your back daily, you are blessed. If you have a warm bed to sleep in every night, you are blessed. If you have a shower that pours out warm water every time you get into it, you are blessed. If you have food on the table every single day, you are definetly blessed. 25,000 kids under the age of 5 years old, will die today mostly because of hunger and other preventible causes. How do I know that? Well my youth group and I are going to do a 30 Hour Famine and that's what the student guide said. We complain about the little things and they have nothing. We are blessed even when we don't feel like it.

My True Prince Charming.

Here's to a relationship that will never be mended, here's to a heart that you tore apart, here's to a new me because of you I never could have been who I should be. I am letting you go now, not because I am scared, but because I hurt so badly, that I can't take the pain anymore. 365 days ago, I was wrapped in your arms, 365 days ago, you would whisper so softly in my ear the words, 'I love you baby," and now I can't stand those four little words, 365 days ago you said you'd do anything for me, you wouldn't leave my side. Then you leave, you change, you don't love me anymore, I am no longer your baby. Nothing made sense. Nothing was right. I held onto you for too long and you've managed to move on. Now it's my turn. 365 days ago, I was your baby. 365 days ago, I was wrapped in your arms. But what got me to that point? To be wrapped in your arms? I hid my deepest of feelings from you in the beginning because of my experiences. Then when I finally did show some of those deep feelings, you were too afraid to wrap me in your arms. All I wanted you to do is hold me, not rip my heart out. 365 days ago, I was yours, now as I wait for my true prince charming, I wait knowing that he will scoop me off my feet and hold me and never let me go. But until that day, I care less for any other guy. Until the day of my engagment to the day of my wedding, I will wait with patience knowing that my true prince charming is on his way. My true prince charming will be far better than you.

Pack It Up and Leave.

Who are you to tell me that I am not beautiful? Who are you to tell me that I was an accident? Who are you to fill my head with all these lies? Who are you to tell me that my sanity's gone? Who are you to tell me that I've lost all my patience? Who are you to tell me that I have no joy? Who are you to tell me that I am underpar? Who are you to tell me everything you've told me in the past? Who are you anyway? Why you're my low self esteem and my high insecurity. But I never invited you into my life, I've put up with you for way too long. I should have kicked you out when you came into my life. Well I've put up with you longer than I should have, so now I am not asking you, I'm telling you, I'll tell you the first time nicely and if you don't listen, I'll tell you the second time, not so nicely. Here it goes for the first time, pack your bags and leave now. You're still there? For the second and last time, pack your bags and leave, and never come back. I've let you linger for way too long. You've brought in this depression. This eating disorder. These thoughts of killing myself. No longer. No longer will I let you stay. Pack it up and leave. You don't belong here. You can't be here. You aren't suppose to be here. Pack it up and leave. Don't come back. Take everything with you. I am no longer putting up with you. I will laugh at the little things. Get up when I fall. I will not be everything you said I'll be. Those days are over and you need to pack your things and leave.