God Puts Amazing People in Our Lives for Different Amazing Reasons. Part 1.

I babysit this family. It's like they are the cutest family ever. They'd do anything for me and I'd pretty much do anything for them and then today as I was just cruising around facebook this came to me:

God puts amazing people in our lives for different amazing reasons.


Like for example this family. I started babysitting them in November of 2008. At the time the ages of the children were, 6, 4, and 2. I was quite an adventure and I remember after putting the kids to bed that first time I babysat them I just vedged on the couch until the parents got home. I remember going home that night and lying in bed thinking, I want to get to know this family in a deeper way. This past Thursday I had the perfect oppertunity and I took that oppertunity and ran with it. My folks were having our house carpets cleaned and my brother's bedroom carpets were in desperate need of them so all of his bed stuff was in my room. I was frustraited and didn't want to come home from volunteering at my church to wet carpets and a disorganized room. So I called this lady up and asked if I can escape from my insanity and hang out with her and she said yes. So I did. Well I had the hugest headache of my entire life that night. She nicely wrapped her arms around me and was comforting me in a way I wish I was comforted on a regular basis. Then today as I was stressed out completely, I took a moment to think about that night where she just wrapped her arms around me and how much of an impact she has made on my life in the past year. I mean anyone who can sit and listen to my crap, give me a little advice, and still love me, they deserve more than a thank you. Which at the moment I can't think of more than a thank you but she deserves it. She was a mother to her own children and as they were lying in their beds getting some shut-eye, she turned to me and as I was half asleep on their couch, she loved on me as much as she could pretty much like she'd love on her own children. I love this lady so much, she's like an aunt to me. I don't know if she realizes how much she means to me. Like the aunt I've always wanted.

All It Takes is A Walk Down Memory Lane.

Senior year, no one ever told me it would be stressful, tiring, long, and emotional. Yes at the time I probably wouldn't have believe you and you would've wasted pure breath, but does it count now that I believe you? Does it count that now all I want to do is just cuddle up next to someone because I am way stressed? Does it count that now I know what it's going to be like for me in college? Does it count? All I want to do is escape from this stress, all I want to do is just look at myself in the mirror and actually say a positive comment about myself. How hard can that be? I am positive about everything else now in life, but when I look at myself, I can't say something positive. Hmm yeah, I am working on that. All it takes is a walk down memory lane. Just blasting my mp3 player and walking down the halls of my old elementary school. Though the whole time I am thinking to myself, "Why am I leaving all of this behind me?" It's hard to believe that I am a high school senior and all it takes to calm me down is either a walk down memory lane or a day with a lady who in the past year has impacted my life. Tell me, is it supposed to be like this? I over-think things WAY too much.

Once Again: My Eyes were Open.

I was woken from a deep sleep at 2am this morning from a friend who this girl had just broken up with him and the text message read, "I gave you my heart, so you could tear it apart. I've held onto you for too long, I guess it's time to move on." Now this text message was not meant for me. I guess the girl and I have the same name, but obviously mines spelled different. So I quickly text him back and say, "Dude first of all you texted the wrong person and second of all it's 2am GO TO BED!" And of course I got the, "Oh dude Halie, sorry about that one." Then after I didn't reply back because I didn't want to start a conversation with him at 2am, I started to think, "I gave you my heart, so you could tear it apart. I've held onto you for too long, I guess it's time to move on." That's kind of deep. Like deeper than deep, but I know this guys heart. I know that he was just completely heart broken and there was nothing I could do about it. But that was deep to the point of I still am thinking about it. I mean I know it's just a girl that he probably won't be thinking of this time next week, but my eyes have been open in a way that is hard to explain. Like lately, I have been hiding my feelings and emotion a lot more. A few nights ago I shot up at 3am and then whispered, "You're pathetic Halie." The when I lied back down I thought, "Wow what a way to let yourself insecurity show Halie." Then I realized that you know, growing up doesn't mean you can't show feeling, it just means your older and have more responsibilities. So I started to cry like hard, but really silently because I didn't want to wake anybody in the house up. I got out of my bed and moved to the this chair in my room. Once I was all done crying, I felt really good. So this is where I am getting at here. Sometimes crying really is a good thing because sometimes you just really need to let it all out. Sometimes that you don't realize how much happiness is such a good thing and that sometimes you don't know how truly happy you are until your sad for just a short time. I still don't like crying especially in front of anyone, with the exception of a few people. But really you can't hold your feelings in forever. So what I learned from that was growing up doesn't necessarily mean you won't have feelings, it just means you'll have a better graps of the feelings you have.

The Big Change: The Start of New Beginnings and Endings.

Things have been changing around here. Big changes and somewhat werid and scary changes. It's senior year and I am trying to break up the madness. I know for sure where I am going to school next year and I am pretty stoked. I know for sure how I am going to get there. But how I am paying for it ... yeah that's the kicker. I understand why my parents wouldn't want to. It's my college career. I am hiding the fact that I am stressed and then at night I go into the privacy of my own room with my dog and just cry. I told myself that I will not hold my feelings in any longer, but I hate crying in general. It's been a hard road, I will not lie. I am down to two semi-easy classes left. History and health. History will be done by the end of this month and health will be done by the end of April. That means the whole month of May, is a month of new beginnings and endings. A beginning of preperation for college. A beginning of a little bit more freedom. An ending of a huge chapter of my life and the beginning of a new one. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. It's also a lot scarier than I thought it would be. As I sigh to watch high school end, I smile and shake for the whole new chapter in my life. Here's to new beginnings and old endings.

My Abba Father, Daddy God, My Savior, My Everything.

There's way too much going on inside my head. My mindset was somewhat broken last night and as I type this entry out it's still kind of breaking. If you've read my blog before you notice that there's quite a few layout changes, well expect more to come because there's a change in side of me that I can't hide. The things that of come to me in the last let's say 14 hours:
You don't realize how amazing God is until He comes to you with open arms and says, I am your Daddy now. Let me explain. I was sitting in church last night and it was pretty much an altar service. Then my pastor preaches a little bit and then he starts praying for people. Well I knew I had to go up and get prayed for, but my stubbornness took hold of me and that was the absolute last thing I wanted to do, go up and get prayed for. So I finally gave in and went up to get prayed for and well I am glad I did. As I am having hands laid on me I heard one of my pastors lay their hands on me and I started seeing a waterfall and a river. Then I saw me with what looked like my high school diploma in my hand and then I gently put it down and started to walk into this river or lake or whatever it was and then I wasn't getting wet in this pond of water. Then I saw a man who looked like what could of been Jesus, so I start running to him, and normally it's hard to run in water, this was easy to run in, and as I got closer to this man I literally jumped into His arms. And He started to hold and carry me and then next thing I knew it was flashed to me as a frustrated college student in a college classroom and then I felt a hand on my back, well I thought it was an usher or one of my pastors so I quickly looked back, but it wasn't, it was God trying to tell me, that He is there for me even when I am frustrated and no one else wants to be there for me. Then I fell down to the ground and I felt like the Lord was telling me, "I've been here waiting so patiently. I was waiting for you to come to Me, I wasn't going to come to you. I was there when you were in a dark room at night crying. I was there. I was there when you felt like you were worthless. I was there. I was there when you felt like you couldn't do anything right and you couldn't make a name for yourself. I was there. I was waiting for you to just come to Me and jump into My arms and for you to let Me love on you. I was there. I am your Daddy. I have waited so patiently for so long. I wanted you to let me in."

What God told me isn't just for me, I wanted to share it here because maybe this speaks to you. Maybe I am not the only one out there struggling. Maybe this could help you. God Bless You.

Musician and Songwriter I am.

It was only yesterday. Check it out:

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Just Come To Me.

Where are you now? When I need you the most. Where are you now? I need someone to lead me, to guide me. Where are you now? I need to be wrapped up in someone's arms. Where are you now? I need someone to love me. Where are you now? I can't see you around. You were supposed to be here for me, but where are you now? You left and not a word from you. You stole my heart, where are you now? Who do I run to now? Where are you now? Give me something. Where are you now?
Then I hear something in me saying, I am here when you need someone to talk to and when you need someone the most. I am hear to lead and guide you. I am here to wrap my loving arms around you. I am here to love on you. I am standing right here in front of you. Run to me, my arms are open because I am here for you. I will steal your heart and give you peace. I will give you hope. I will give you strength. I am here, I will give you all you need. Just give me your heart. Just give me your mind. Just give me your soul. I am here. I am your Savior. Your Prince of Peace. Your Lord of Lords. Your King of Kings. I am Your EVERYTHING!! I am Your Heavanly Father. Just come to Me. I am here for you more than you know.